Showing posts with label Comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Comedy. Show all posts

JOKES

 

PERFORMANCE APPRAISAL

Attention: Human Resources
Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping
coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Joe can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.
Regards,
Project Leader
e-mail two Attention: Human Resources
Joe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines [1, 3, 5, etc.] for my true assessment of his ability.
Regards,
Project Leader

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
"Oh, well never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained.
"She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts."
He continued, "She communicates well and I act like I’m listening."

A man walked into a bank, got in line and when it was his turn he pulled out a gun and robs the bank.
But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me Rob this Bank?"
The customer replies, "Well, yes!"
The bank robber raises his gun, points it at his head and shoots him.
He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "DID ... YOU ... SEE ... ME ... ROB... THIS... BANK?"
The man calmly responds, "No, but my wife did."

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  • Jokes SMS

    Banta Sing: u get marry with Santa after my death. Wife: but why? Banta: He is ur no 1 enemy. Banta: this is only way to take revenge with Santa Singh.

    Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I have to leave, I can't find a brain.

    Husband 1: Why do u take your wife only to night clubs? Husband 2: Buddy by the time she gets ready no other place is open!

    A Sardarji goes to a Chinese restaurant and puts his finger on the last of menu: Bring this.
    Waiter: Oh! you can’t get it because he is the owner of restaurant.

    New SMS to Laugh

    1) Whats the diff between gandhi, musharraf & lalu? gandhi-didnt know whats
    lie, musharraf doesnt know whats truth & lalu doesnt know the difference
    2) Bindaas sone ka, rapchik sapne dekhne ka, Bhoot se nahi darne ka, bole
    to..aaina nahi dekhne ka.. GOOD NITE..

    3) Are u a high scoring student?
    Bored of gettin gud marks?
    join M.S.UNIVERSITY. .
    aur fark dekhiye sirf 3 saalon me..
    marks se nomarks...
    ab sach mein posible!

    4) If i wud b a painter u will b my painting. If i wud b a author u will b my
    novel. If i wud b a poet u will b my poem but unfortunatly i m a cartoonist

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    5) "Boyfrnds" r like "Paanipuri" always tasty. "Lovers" r like "Pizzas" hot n
    spicy."husbnds" r lik"Dal Chawal"no othr option but good 4 health & wealth.

    6) A young man tries to talk to a young girl......., I HAVE SEEN YOU SOMEWHERE,
    the girl replied, "QUIET POSSIBLE I AM NURSE IN MENTAL HOSPITAL".

    7) Vada to nahi karte dosti nibhayenge, Kosish yahi rahegi apko nahi satayen‘ge.
    Zaroorat pade to dilse pukarna hame, Hagte bhi rahe to bina dhoye aayen‘ge!

    8) Ultimate thought:
    if more than one mouse is mice; then more than one spouse is?
    SPICE ! ;)

    9) What is Marriage?
    Ans: 1st yr: Alpenlibe-Ji lalchaye raha na jaye
    2yr:TVS-Meelo chalti muskan
    3yr:KINETIC- Sabki hawa nikal de
    4yr CHLORMINT-Dubara mat puchna!!

    10) Teacher-can u define the word lecturer for me student- lecturer is a person
    who has a bad habit of speaking when someone is sleeping.

    Some Other Posts:

    Looking for Daily SMS's Dose

    1) Every sunset gives us one day less to live, but every sunrise gives us, one day more to hope! So, get up & hope 4 the best....Gud morning.. Gud Day & Gud
    Luck!

    2) Since ur eyes are looking tired,
    Let ur eye lashes hug each other for few hours.
    Happy journey into the world of dreams.
    Sweet dreamz...
    Gudnite to u dear.

    3) An early morning greeting doesn't only mean "good morning", it has a silent message saying " u r my first thought at start of the day ".Take care n gud
    MORNg

    4) Cheat and love But dont love and cheat...
    Think and love But dont love and think..
    Break the heart and love But dont love and then break the Heart.....

    5) For all d Love u share, For all d ways u care, For all d times u r there. U r special and beyond compare. I just wanna say TAKE CARE..

    6) If u wer 2 chek my cellfone 1day,u'll realise dat urs will b d 1 &only name dat appears in my inbox, sent mgs & dialed nos folder. Cos anything associated
    with u, is just too precious 2 be deleted away

    7) I can't give SOLUTIONS to all of life's problems, but i can listen to u, &together we'll search for an ANSWER... I can't keep u'r FEET from stumbling, i can
    only offer my hand that u may grasp it ¬ FALL... I can't keep u'r HEART from breaking or hurting, but i can cry wid u & help u SMILE again. I can't PROMISE
    ur HAPPINESS ALWAYS...but. .I can only SHARE wid u what life offers me & be ur love forevr

    8) A sms means I care enough to flex my thumb, search ur name, wait for "message sent", then think of you, smile & say,
    "U are special!"......

    9) A lifetym thought
    "alwz try ur best 2 get watever u luv."
    otherwise...
    U wil b forced 2 luv watever u get..
    *THINK BOUT DIS THOUGHT DEEPLY*

    10) Love is not winning someone but loosing urself to someone,when you are loved by some1 it's not due to your excellence of mind but due to purity of ur heart.

    FEW MORE ...

    1) Wife:Can u explain to me how this lipstick got on ur collar? Hubby:No, I really can't,I definitely remember that I took my shirt off.

    2) Nxt gen Child wil sing in school:
    Twinkle twinkle litle star,
    I just went 2 royal bar,Whisky rates r up so high,
    So drink a beer wth chiken fry. . :-) :-) :-)

    3) Sardar ko ek blank message aaya, phir sardarne usi mobile ko phone karke bola,tumhe malum hai tumhare mobile ka ink khatam ho gaya hai...
    4) A Basanti naach
    <,>
    ((
    >>
    ,/
    <)) << ,/ <)) / >
    Mast nachti hai na. Actualy,
    Ye SHOLAY part 2 ki hey, jo kutto KE SAMNE B nachti hai.

    5) Tum pas aay...yu muskuraye... apne 32 dant aise dikhaye... Dekh kar mera dil... phoot phoot kar rota hai...kya yaar tumse... brush bhi thik se nahi hota hai.

    6) Ek Hijde ne Viagra kha lee. Sharir ke Andar se Aawaz Aayee Mafi Chahte Hain Aap ke System me Yeh Suvidha Uplabadh nahi hai. Error : No HARDWARE!

    7) U r Sweet as:CHOCOLATE Meetha as:GULABJAMUN
    Raseela as:RASGULLA
    Cool as:ICE CREAM
    Bhagwan buri nazar se bachaye,kahi mere Dost ko cheentiya hi na kha jai.

    8) Sardar's theory:Moon is more impt than Sun,cos it gives light 8 night when light is needed &sun gives light during d day when light is not needed.

    9) Kaun kehta hai Mard ko dard nahi hota,kaun kehta hai mard ko dard nahi hota.Tango k beech m laat maro,Jise dard nahi hota,Wo mard nahi hota....

    10) Agar
    NAGIN NAG
    ko kiss karegi
    to NAG kaunsa gana gayega?
    Socho socho..
    "Zehar hai
    ke pyar hai
    tera chumma."
    Fisssss..Sssssss

    Model and VJ Shruti Seth – Now anchoring Comedy Circus

    Shruti Seth , this glamorous personality is anchoring in the serial `Comedy Circus`. rom three to four years she is only sticking in anchoring. She loved her work with Farida Jalal in `Shararat`.
    Shruti Seth started her career as Model then turn as VJ and actress. She is born on 18th December 1977. Shruti is born and brought up in Mumbai itself. Did her schooling in Ashok Academy and graduated from St. Xaviers College in Economics and Commerce.



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    Mix Jokes


    Teacher : why are majority of south Indians are dark in color?
    Student: Because they watch Sun TV, Surya TV, Udaya TV without applying
    sunscreen lotion........
    ************ ********* ******
    Teacher to Sardar " Where were U born?
    Sardar : In Tiruvanantapuram.
    Teacher : Spell it?
    Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.
    ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= =======
    Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
    Banta : How do you know??
    Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have came again..
    ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= =======
    Sardar complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
    Police : How the theif did not take TV???
    Sardar : I was watching TV na....
    ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= =======
    Thought for the Day!!!
    If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?
    Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM
    ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= =======
    Tihar Jail ordered 999 Shirts and 1000 Pants for its inmates.
    Tell why this odd combination?
    Answer : Bcos SALMAN KHAN is coming and He hardly wear SHIRTs!!!
    ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= =======
    Do you know the similarity between "Dinasaurs" & "Decent Girls"
    Answer: Both dont exist on earth !!!
    ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= =======
    When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
    Answer : On their Wedding !!
    ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= =======
    Whats the height of Intelligence?
    Answer : A 99 year old Sardar going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ...

      
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