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Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
A Faithful Animal wants to say you something
Dog-A faithful animal to whom you can trust in today’s life. Now he wants to say you something. Please listen carefully.
JOKES
Dying of AIDS
An Irishman named Adrian went to his doctor.
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order."
Adrian was shocked, but managed to compose himself and walk into the waiting room, where his son had been waiting.
"Well son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate When things don't go well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to the pub and have a few pints."
After 3 or 4 pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers.
Bobby Darling
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.
"What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
"Bobby," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name.
"It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is Bobby Darling."
"Okay, Bobby, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
JOKES
PERFORMANCE APPRAISAL
Attention: Human Resources
Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping
coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Joe can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.
Regards,
Project Leader
e-mail two Attention: Human Resources
Joe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines [1, 3, 5, etc.] for my true assessment of his ability.
Regards,
Project Leader
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
"Oh, well never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained.
"She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts."
He continued, "She communicates well and I act like I’m listening."
A man walked into a bank, got in line and when it was his turn he pulled out a gun and robs the bank.
But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me Rob this Bank?"
The customer replies, "Well, yes!"
The bank robber raises his gun, points it at his head and shoots him.
He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "DID ... YOU ... SEE ... ME ... ROB... THIS... BANK?"
The man calmly responds, "No, but my wife did."
SOME OTHER POSTS:
POOR BOYS
When a Girl Cries ------------The World "Consoles" her
But when a boy cries ---------- They say Come on man don't be A "Girl"
If A Girl slaps a Boy ----------- Definitely the Boy would have "done something"
If Boy Slaps a girl -------------- Rascal doesn't know how to "Respect Ladies"
If a Girl is talking to Boys ----- She is "Very Friendly"
If a Boy talks to a Girl ---------- He is "flirting"
If a Girl meets with accident -------------------- Then its "mistake of others"
If a Boy meets with same accident -----------?- --?------ "Don't you know how to Drive"
What A World Is this
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Mix Jokes
Teacher : why are majority of south Indians are dark in color?
Student: Because they watch Sun TV, Surya TV, Udaya TV without applying
sunscreen lotion........
************ ********* ******
Teacher to Sardar " Where were U born?
Sardar : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= =======
Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have came again..
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Sardar complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Sardar : I was watching TV na....
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Thought for the Day!!!
If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?
Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM
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Tihar Jail ordered 999 Shirts and 1000 Pants for its inmates.
Tell why this odd combination?
Answer : Bcos SALMAN KHAN is coming and He hardly wear SHIRTs!!!
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Do you know the similarity between "Dinasaurs" & "Decent Girls"
Answer: Both dont exist on earth !!!
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When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!
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Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer : A 99 year old Sardar going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ...
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